I kept having these pointless revelations today--I still count them as revelations nonetheless. First, in a flash of brilliance, I realized that the female ass must have gone long underappreciated back in the day, before women started sporting pants. Think about it, how's a person supposed to fully evaluate a backside when the host body is wearing a hoop skirt (or something of the like). Luckily, the likes of Sir Mix-A-Lot and 2 Live Crew had the benefit of bearing witness to the daisy dukes' resurgence to rump-hugging fame. I firmly believe that the early 90's were huge for the butt. Boobs. Everyone loves them. Always have, always will...but the bum, now there's an acquired taste. I'm biased. What I lack in breastisis seems to have been transported to my arse. Definitely inherited a backside that has full-blown potential for what my family affectionately calls "shelf toosh." I think that's pretty self-explanatory. Anyhow, I don't think I would enjoy wearing a hoop skirt--so I'm glad we got that cleared up today.
Pointless Revelation #2: This was quite disconcerting, yet enlightening. The Tazo tea "Refresh" that my roommate/Starbuck's employee supplies in bountiful quantities does not contain caffeine...What the fuck!? You don't call tea "Refresh" without putting some caffeine in the mix.
Appropriate Decaffinated Tea Names:
Sleep
Passoutface
Chill
Lazy Bastard
Inappropriate Decaffeinated Tea Names:
Manic
Wake Up Bitch
Hot Damn! This Tea's a Real Kick in the Pants
Refresh!
If I'm not drinking tea with caffeine in it, it means I want to go to sleep. No wonder I haven't figured out my life yet. I'm too damn tired because Starbucks is trying to provide decaffinated refreshment--not gonna happen for this gal. All this time, I've been trying to avoid too much coffee by integrating some healthful tea leaves into the routine...but the tea was supposed to be the productivity juice--no dice, I'm going back to Mountain Dew. Who's coming with me?
By the by, who are these people who drink decaffeinated Coke? It's still on the market so I know one of you is throwing down regularly. This just in, I advertently found the following article headline on the UK's Peak Performance athlete resource website as I was digging up more info. on this troubling decaffeinated Coke phenomenon:
Coca-cola: Many athletes use Coca-Cola as a sports drink, but does exercise really go better with Coke?
hehe.
Hmmm, think these pointless revelations may be indicative of troubling neuron firing blips in brain, Must find regular employment. I blame Tazo!
One more thing, if you're having trouble sleeping, you should give Thera-Flu Cough and Cold a whirl. Nursing a cold for the past few days and I drank it down without knowing the full consequences--for a minute I thought my roommate had shot me in the ass with a tranquilizer dart.
3 comments:
Ah yes, boobs and butt - the ultimate double (or is it quadruple?) threat. I'm a big fan of jumblies (as my brother calls those providers of the most nutritious food around), but don't really understand the obsession that seems to have developed recently. A friend of mine from school told me boobs remind men of butts, which is what they saw for thousands of years while knockin boots (have you ever seen feamle on top on the discovery channel?); contrary to what the priests would have us believe, we are not meant to do it missionary, but rather follow the way of the dog. Which brings us back to bootays, about which i think the Tribe had it right - Bonita applebum, you got it goin on. So shake it sista!
Pregnant people. That's who the caffeine (also I'd like to note that this word breaks the "i before e except after c or when sounding as a as in neighbor and weigh" paradigm) free coke is for. What's really concerning to my mind, however, is people who drink caffeine free diet coke. What the hell is in that stuff anyway?
It is officially time someone starts marketing Passoutface Tea.
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